I wanted to chat a little about my diagnosis.
Relative energy deficiency disorder is a “state of being in your body which means there’s not enough energy supply for the demands you’re asking your body to perform, leading to weakening or injury in the system.” It basically means I’ve tired out my body. And all the things I’ve noticed over the last few months, no periods, disorded eating, hair loss, fatigue, sore feet, difficulty sleeping, low iron… they all connect. And its all because of this.
The three main triads are disorded eating, Amenorrhea and Osteoporosis. Disorder eating can include a variety of things; restricting what you eat because you think certain foods are ‘bad’, worrying about eating, bulimia, binge eating… and many more. I particularly struggle with worrying about ‘bad’ foods and emotionally binge eating.
Amenorrhea is when your period stops for more than 3 months. Until the other day, I hadn’t had a period for 6 months. I put it down to losing weight. This was not the case.
Osteoporosis is basically a lack of bone strength, which for me has resulted in stress fractures in my left foot. This was increased for me due to the fact that I am allergic to dairy, so do not eat enough Calcium or Vitamin D.
For those of you who don’t know, this is my first ever proper injury. I know I know- I’m incredibly lucky. My sporty friends have had thousands of injuries, but I guess I’ve just never pushed myself this hard before. Either which way, this is my very first- so I was completely shocked when I found out and very concerned how I was going to deal with it mentally.
Imagine not being able to breathe. Or eat. Well that’s how an athlete feels when they can’t do their sport. And anyone who’s not an athlete will think I’m being dramatic, but anyone who is will completely and utterly get it.
Again I know how lucky I am- as I’m only out for a relatively short period of time when you think about how long I will be running for. But I have ran at least 4 times a week since may- so to suddenly not be able to do it is very hard to deal with. I can still swim and light gym which is obviously brilliant, but they don’t quite match up to how I feel when I am on a perfect run. When everything is going right- my pace is good, my breathing is under control, my playlist is on point, the weather is gorgeous and the landscapes exquisite. I feel completely at peace. Not being able to do the thing that puts me at peace is really hard.
That doesn’t even take into consideration my worries about weight.
After reading up on the Relative energy disorder, I discovered that one of the main elements of it is issues with eating- and overtraining due to a worry about body image or gaining weight. Its extremely common in many athletes- even if it’s not officially diagnosed. This is a continuous worry for me, and not being able to do my main form of cardio accentuates this worry by about a thousand.
When I found out yesterday, I cried. Properly cried. Mainly because I had no idea what I was going to do. It didn’t feel real. I couldn’t believe that I’d got so insanely fit and then this had happened to me. So I rang my friend, and cried to her. I then went home, ate some custard creams and cried some more- before entering a denial stage where I decided I just had to run anyway- or I could run after resting for a couple of weeks. I’ve finally today moved into a slightly more accepting stage, though it still doesn’t feel real- and realistically I’m still slightly in denial.
My foot has hurt for weeks now, but those of you who know me know I’m pretty stubborn, and tend not to listen to aches and pains. I finally took a week off running when my performance gym coach told me to go to the physio. If I hadn’t, my stress fractures in my feet would have probably developed into real fractures by now, and I would’ve been out for much longer than 12 weeks.
I know there’s many worse injuries and I’m so lucky that eventually I will be able to go back to running. But imagine spending 6 months of your life focused on getting fit-and then having to watch it fade away before your eyes. I’m hoping that after a few days I’ll feel slightly mentally better about it, and not feel like weeping everytime I look at myself in the mirror.
So where do I go from here. Well I’m on enforced rest, for up to 12 weeks. Hopefully, it’ll be less than that. Will I run my marathon in May? Hopefully, as long as I rehab properly. I’m still swimming and (light) gyming whilst I’m at uni, and when I go home I may have to cycle (urgh I know) to try and keep up some element of fitness.
This disorder is not talked about enough. At all.
Keep an eye on your body everyone- especially my girls out there-as it statistically affects us the most.
Stay strong and healthy x
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