Ever since I was a teenager I have struggled with my weight, body confidence, my relationship with food and my attitude towards exercise. I’ve gone through countless fad ‘diets’ and workout plans with no success. However two weeks into lockdown I was determined. This was the time to sort myself out once and for all.
In 2019 I started studying music at the University of Edinburgh. And honestly, I had mixed feelings about it. Whilst I enjoyed elements of my degree, I didn’t fall in love with it like I had with my A Levels. Whilst I enjoyed elements of my new found independence, I missed home and my family a lot more than I thought I would. The only pretty much perfect bit of the first chunk of my uni career was joining the Uni’s Women’s First’s Waterpolo Team. I had played waterpolo for a few years, on and off-eventually giving it up completely during my A levels largely due to struggles with my workload, but also due to massive confidence issues in both my playing, and being in a swimsuit surrounded by gorgeous physically fit girls. When I went to uni, I thought I might as well give the Waterpolo a go-and honestly, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. The girls from the team and the club are now my best friends, and the structure of training rejuvenated my love for fitness. Additionally, the social side of the Waterpolo and Swimming Club as a whole dragged me out of my ‘I hate my degree and miss home’ mindset, and made me begin to appreciate the life I was living.
Initially, I got much fitter. I lost weight-and was a lot stronger than I’d ever been, due to the intensity of the training, which was normally 3 times a week with added swimsets and gym sessions. However, as second semester of University loomed, many of my classes were cancelled, due to mass striking of the University staff. Whilst many students would revel in all this free time, I hated it. I felt like I’d completely lost my purpose-and my mental health really suffered. I started going out 3-4 times a week and drinking a lot more than I had been just for something to do, as well as eating like crap most days-and sleeping in every day until late. Inevitably, I began to put on weight.
In march of 2019 Covid 19 hit-and suddenly just as my teachers came off strike, the university shut-and I flew home from Edinburgh to my hometown in Devon. I then spent the first few weeks of lockdown basking in the gorgeous 25 degree British heat, eating barbeques and drinking most days . Unsurprisingly I put on even more weight-especially as now I wasn’t exercising at all. At first I was in complete denial of what I was doing to my body-despite my parents (and especially my mum) gently mentioning that perhaps I should eat more healthy and up my exercise levels. But the truth is- I didn’t care. I had an extremely negative relationship with both food and alcohol- often eating to feel better during this extremely worrying time. I’m a very driven, all or nothing kind of girl and I felt like I’d slightly wasted the last 6 months of my life with no studying. Alcohol and junk food took that feeling away for an hour or two.
But what finally made me say-okay, it’s time to realise you have a problem? The army.
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